Covering up the cracks

Hey style police -
Maybe a designer out there could whip up some trousers that do not allow fat men's cracks to leap out at the unsuspecting viewer when they bend over - seeming to return your startled look. Sometimes they just droop to either side. Must be tiring. The upchuck reactions of many many women would be spared by the added trouser top. But maybe only women would buy them for their men, who wouldn't even notice otherwise. Then all the single crack flashers would remain untouched. Would there be any way to market crack-camoflage trousers that makes them look macho? Or would that be akin to convincing men it's macho to put down the toilet seat?
Would brutal honesty work? Like showing a couple of cute girls being sick as they step out of their house & find the gardener down on all fours with 6 inches of rear cleavage rending the air? What about humor? I once saw a sketch show in the US that "advertised" Crack Spackle in all skin colors. It was pretty funny, but does not seem to have caught on. Okay, I live in Denmark - where it definitely hasn't caught on - but on visits home I can compare ... uh ... notes.
Not trying to be mean to fat guys here - really the opposite. A salesmen came to our house once & gave us a lengthy demonstration of a new vacuum cleaner/hoover. He refused to cut to the chase, tell us price & so forth, but we might have considered it, had he not bent over to rig the thing up. His crack popped up & said ... no it didn't, but it was as aggressive as swearing out loud for no reason. The element of surprise has its limits in one's very own living room.
Designers - pleeeeease. It could be the challenge of your career. Maybe grateful babes would hang all over you. Maybe you would be rewarded for beautifying the environment. Maybe you would even prevent pneumonia caused by icy tail winds - then the chubs would realize they needed your design & sales would go through the roof. It's worth considering, not?

While we're at it: is there some way to get very overweight women to wear a long shirt or dress over their leggings? I know leggings don't squeeze anywhere & that's why they're so popular. I also agree that we should accept ourselves as we are, not least as we age & our bikini figures not only go south, but east & west, rolling all the way. But the mirror has been invented & a little vanity is healthy, keeping us from letting it all hang out, both literally & mentally. Keeping us awake.

It's all about balance - only that goes too. Dang!