My center
recently scored 2 fair-sized bags of money to fund programs for women. One is
just for a weekend trip (to a Boy Scout cabin) for women & children -
Danish & immigrants - who cannot afford a summer holiday. We have done this
3 times before & it's a big success.
The other
is more serious: a 2-year program called Woman, Your Life is in Denmark. The
goal of this program is to bring immigrant women out of their isolation &
into activity, a network of new friends & new skills - like just taking the
city bus alone. Too many immigrant women, especially from small immigrant groups from Asia & the Middle
East, have such a strong wish to get back to where they came from that they are
in denial. Almost total denial. The 2 most common ideas are
1. just a
few years, then husband will earn enough money to move back home & buy a
new house or
2. just a
few years & the political situation will change so we can go home to the
house we left ...
away from
rain rain rain, cold dark winters, a difficult language & people whose idea
of humor is giving each other a hard time. They usually end up in a Danish
nursing home many years later with their non-existent Danish & sorrow
because their children are busy westernized adults with no wish to install old
mum in the extra room.
Most of us
working on this program are well-integrated immigrant women + the odd token
Dane. How I hope we succeed & reach a large group. Ours is one of many
programs for immigrant women all around - you might have heard of one or 10. I
sure have, but I know of exactly one (1) program for men in the same group.
Some years ago I taught Danish to immigrants as a semester substitute because
their teacher - male - had a workshop class where the language teaching was
part of a practical course with carpentry & general do-it-yourself skills
in focus.
We need
more like that. A lot more.
It's easy
to feel sympathy & want to help women from macho societies, lack of
education & skills, low status & often tyrannical husbands. Just as
easy to despise the husbands, the bullies, big jerks, big jokes in the eyes of
westerners. Why can't they
see our way is a lot better since they all want to charge right up here &
make a buck? If they can't figure it out why don't they get their sorry asses
back where they came from? Not even their children can respect them when they
grow up.
Right -
& neither can I. But ... I can see why they don't have a clue, feel
terrified of losing all their status & respect - like the Burmese refugee
who was told hitting children is illegal here.
"How
will I keep discipline?" he asked. A smack was the only method he'd ever
heard of. Big jerk, big joke ...
Many
refugee women who come alone with or without children beg for a women's only
asylum center. I'll say I can understand their wish, but also why it will never
happen. Then the men would be even more of a problem, say the authorities. Help
...?
The problem
will never be solved until both sides get our attention. Anybody can figure
that out, not? It's just so much easier to concentrate on the women, the
repressed ones, the ones who don't make a fuss & admit they need help.
Easier, yes, but I think their men need it more now. The ones with jobs do have
that status & work is a terrific way to promote integration. Sports
likewise, & school, but immigrant girls do a lot better than boys in school
so there's one more area of insecurity & loss of status for many men.
Don't know
what to call a helpful program. Man, Get
Your Head Out & Stop Acting like a Jerk would be tempting, but don't
think many would sign up. Uh ... Man,
Guide to Success in (fill in the blank) Society. That might work. Something
has to, or else. Male teachers, coaches & pedagogues GOOD IDEAS PLEASE!
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